Today on my Facebook memories this popped up:
10 years ago my last name was not Koplin, I hadn’t met that hunky guy next to me in the profile picture. I was excited to spend the weekend in southern MN with friends.
Little did I know that this day would change my life. In a good way….even if it did not feel or appear all good at first. Life as I knew it was going to look radically differently than I thought. The plan I had was to met someone, date them, marry them, then have kids. This weekend changed how I thought life would go for me. 10 years later I thank God for the ways he worked in my life.
I started the evening off with meeting friends to have some spatzel. It is the most delicious homemade noodle made only better because it is served with gravy on top. That is right a noodle covered in gravy. We walked around and looked at all the German-ness the little town had to offer during its fall festival.
Fast forward to much later in the night and all of us girls had congregated at a bar in a different small town. I am sure our table was covered in drink glasses and bottles. It all gets fuzzy from here on out and I will spare you any unwanted details. I got in the pick up with people I did not know. I woke up the next morning very hung over and trying to recall details. My story could have ended here I could have ended up dead but by the grace of God I did not. It only takes a spin through one newspaper to read stories of women being found in a ditch.
About 6 weeks later I was back in my apartment, going to classes for nursing school, and working for home health care and a few nights a week at a nursing home. It must have been a light day of classes and work because I got up and decided to go running. It was overcast. It was one of those days it is hard to tell if it is raining or a heavy fog. I had a usual path. I didn’t make it very far before I felt ‘off’. I felt like I could not get enough air. I felt icky. I kept going. I could tell you what some of the houses looked like as I began to process this information. This is basically what my brain did:
I shouldn’t be this off
It hasn’t been this long since you’ve been running, maybe a week.
‘When was the last time you got your period’
Maybe its the heavy air
‘When should have you gotten your period…two weeks ago.’
No….that can not possibly be right
A person can not get pregnant from having sex one time.
People have sex for months and don’t get pregnant.
Nope that’s not it
You are being ridiculous
Just keep running
Run towards the apartment
You need to get in your car
You need to go to Walmart
You need to take a pregnancy test.
In Walmart I walked around with a basket clutched under my arm. The entryway was filled with candy dressed in orange, costumes hung in the middle of the entrance. The pharmacy was off to the left. I picked up a bottle of shampoo and conditioner and headed towards the pregnancy test. I still know what that shampoo and conditioner smells like. I rounded the corner and a nurse I worked with was traveling past the end cap. My chest tightened and I did a full stop and 180 to go look at other things or act like I was looking at other things. I was not interested in anyone knowing I was buying a pregnancy test. I strolled through the make-up aisles, shaking at this point, and landed back in the pregnancy test aisle. I looked from a distance and threw one in my basket. Covered it with other things and headed for the check out.
On my apartment bathroom floor I found out it is possible to get pregnant from a one night stand.
I was not in a good place right then on the bathroom floor.
The next few months were filled with regret, vomit, tears, finding the babies son via Facebook, a lot of crying, and so many more things.
I could tell you all the nasty details of those next few months and years but instead for this blog post I want to tell you how God has redeemed and continues to redeem my foolishness. Because no matter how you slice it ‘going home’ with someone you met in a bar is dumb.
I want to show you how much I am loved in spite of foolish decisions. Our heavenly Father does not want his people to go down a path of foolishness. His desire is for families to start a different way; However he uses our brokenness. He did not want Adam and Eve to take that bite of the fruit. He wanted to have perfect communion with them. Their foolish act separated them and the rest of humanity from God. Did he abandon them? He did not. He pursued them in the garden. He promised he had a plan of redemption.
He did not want me to walk down this path of foolishness. He did not put me on this path. I walked down it and he followed me.
(P.S. This is one of those ‘big stories’ there are many other ‘smaller’ instances where God has sustained me that I may not even recognize yet and may not ever. He is with us through each of our days not just when ‘big’ things are happening to us.)
First off a girl as drunk as I was at a bar could of ended up dead in a bathroom somewhere with alcohol poisoning.
I could have gotten into the vehicle with an ax murderer. I got into a vehicle with a guy who loves our kiddo well.
If I wouldn’t have been a single mom I would have never signed myself up with e-harmony. Because at this point I had to have a pretty stringent screening process before I let anyone around me. I signed up in a frenzy one night when I was home alone. My now husband had signed up recently too. We were matched when he had a week (or so) left on his subscription. He was not going to sign back up.
If I would not have married this man I would not have spend the last 7 years in ND around the people I did. I spent those 7 years in my bible. Learning and wrestling with concepts I had known about since I was a kid but didn’t understand as well as I could have.
I wouldn’t be writing right now. I met people in ND that encouraged me to write. I met people that encouraged me as a whole.
I wouldn’t have the three other children I have right now because as noted before I wouldn’t have met my hubby on e-harmony.
I wouldn’t be living in this town, which I love so dearly, right now. It is my husbands hometown. Chances are I would not have ended up in a random town of 1200 people in West Central MN if it were not for my husband. Actually I drug my feet on this one two but here we are….
I wouldn’t be leading bible studies because I would not have been brought to my knees in desperation. Desperation because the facade that I had constructed had been blown to pieces when I got pregnant from a one night stand. I wouldn’t have the desire to show others the big love of Jesus if I didn’t understand it the way that I do now.
I wouldn’t have the friends or the depth of friendships I have right now. I can tell you this is a huge picture of the grace of God.
He used my foolish decisions and redeemed them for good.
If you feel hopeless right now look to the giver and supplier of hope.
The one who pulls people out of pits. (Genesis 45)
Finds women in desperate situations and gives them the water that quenches forever. (Hagar Genesis 21:8-20 and The Woman at the well John 4:1-42)
Resurrects the dead. (The only son of a widow Luke 7:11-17; A synagogue leaders daughter
Makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5; Isaiah 43:19)
He is the God that David speaks about.
(I highly recommend going and reading those scriptures right now, or after you get done with this post..since you are almost done)
Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far? And yet this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord God. You have spoken also of your servant’s house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord God! And what more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Lord God! Because of your promise and according to your own heart you have brought about all this greatness, to make your servant know it. Therefore you are great, O Lord God. For, there is none like you , and there is no God beside you, according to all that we have heard with our ears. (2 Samuel 7:18-22)