Mom guilt is a real thing. Mom guilt sucks big time.
Mom’s feel guilty about things that are not sin issues and sometimes moms have issues that are rooted in sin.
We all have sin and guilt but I have never felt the weight of guilt like I have in motherhood.
We feel guilty about letting them watch a movie before bed because we ‘should have’ read. We feel guilt for not letting them watch a movie because we need to let them have a little more fun.
We feel guilty for yelling because we are overwhelmed.
Summer is closing down and I go back and forth from feeling guilty for not doing enough fun things to feeling guilty for not giving them more responsibilities this summer.
We ask for forgiveness from their sweet little faces and long after they have forgotten and are tucked in bed we lay awake and feel the weight of guilt. We try and measure out the good and the bad of the day. I try and make a checklist in my head of all the good things I did and make sure they out weight the bad things. I want to measure every second of every day. All of this weighing and measuring may be how we want to view our days but it is not how God views our hours and days.
As far as the east is from the west. This is how God sees our days and all the sin and crap we do throughout them. It is how far God removes our sin from us. He removes it so far we can not even measure the distance.
I still want to put dots on the end of this line so I can throw up a tape measure and see how far the east is from the west. I want to measure so I know how much more I can get away with before I am in trouble. I want to measure to see how much I need to do to get myself back into good standing. I want to have a number of sins that will separate me and a number of good things I can do to keep myself good but that’s not how this works.
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:11-12
I can’t measure how far God has removed my sin from me. I can know that it is gone. It is so far removed from me that I can not measure the distance. There is nothing I can do to get my sin back, it has been removed.
What is there to do when you still feel the guilt, when these sins are weighing on our hearts and minds. Here is what Luther has to say about it. “So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: ‘I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where he is there I shall be also!”
We can confess our sins directly to God and know they are forgiven.
We can go to our pastor, confess our sins, and hear absolution from the mouth of another.
We can go to a friend who we know will look us in the eye and say yes you are sinful and yes you are forgiven.
This is where we can stand. We can stand with Christ and be confident. We can stop the act of having it all together. We can stop trying to convince ourselves and others that we have it all or pieces of life together. I do not need to try and convince myself that I am enough or will do enough. I can look at myself in the mirror and say you were one crappy mom today. I can admit to my kids, my husband, and my neighbor that I was a real butt head. I can do that not because I can promise to do better tomorrow but because of Christ.
Each notebook and pillow I have does not need to boost my self-esteem. My self-confidence can change with each passing minute but my confidence in Christ is something I can boast about. It is something that is unchanging. When I want to put the dots on the lines I can know there is no way for me to measure it all out. No matter where I think I am on the spectrum of good and bad I know that I stand with Christ and because of that I can stop measuring.