Once Upon a Time

My folding clothes show right now is Once Upon a Time.  I think I am on season 4 but how Netflix is set up allows  me to watch or binge guilt free.  There is no signal of what season I am on as it moves from episode to episode.

The show is made up of a cast of fairytale characters.  Old standby’s like little red ridding hood to new characters that are beloved by so many little girls my daughters age, Anna and Elsa.  Some of the characters role in and out of the storyline but some like the queen from snow white have been around since the beginning and are still going strong.  The image of the queen began out as an evil queen, she started to show promise in becoming a good person but then sliped back into her old evil ways.  Right now she is back on the side of the good people and her desire to rewite her story so she can have a happy ending is a main part of the story line.

The queen and I have that in common.  To some people at some times I may look like an evil queen.  To some people at some times I may look like a ‘good person’ with good intentions.  I go back and forth on how I view my self.

The queen right now is fighting to rewrite her story so she can be considered a good person and get her happy ending that she has never had or ever dreamed she would have.  She fights to have any type of intimate relationship.  What she wants is to ultimately have an intimate relationship with those around her but she does not believe it will ever happen.

The queen believes what she has to do to become a good person and get a happy ending is to rewrite, or undo the bad things she has done.  At the very least convince the author that she has become good so he will write her a happy ending.

As for the author he is only suppose to record what happens.  However he has taken matters into his own hands.  He has taken over the lives of the characters to make the story more interesting.

I thought and sometimes still think I need to rewrite my story to make myself out to be a good person.  I had a kid outside of marriage so how do I rewrite that.  I cant.  If I was able to I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t have a 7 year old who loves star wars, shooting his bow, smacks so loud you could hear him from China, loves fuzzy sweatpants, wakes up one morning and decides he is a cowboy so walks out the door in his wrangler jeans, snap up shirt, giant belt buckle all with a little disappointment across his shoulders and on his face because he couldn’t find the black cowboy hat.

Once the angry word is spoken, once the snide comment to my husband is uttered,  once the nasty thought crosses the screen of my mind it can’t be changed.  I can not rewrite that party of my story.  I might try.  I might try to do 25 nice things to make up for the one nasty thing I said but it still came out of my mouth.  I can not rewrite my story.  If I could I would be so absorbed in self and would have drown a long time ago in eraser dust.  I can not rewrite my story no matter how much work I put into it however I am not the one who has written the ending to my story.  I am not the one who has to do the work.  The work of my story has already been completed on the cross.

Who I am is not what I do, have done, or will do.  Who I am is wrapped up in what Christ has done.  I am at the same time saint and sinner,  I am a sinner  because of my own stuff and a saint because of the righteousness of Christ gifted to me.   I can look like an awesome mom and a horrible mom in a matter of 30 seconds.  Whether I am an ‘Awesome’ one or ‘Horrible’ one  I am a mother because God has called me to motherhood.  The freedom that Christ provides is one that allows be to serve my neighbor.  It is a freedom that allows me to be what Luther calls a ‘mask of God’.  I can be a mother to my kids, a wife to my husband, a member at my church, a resident of our little town.  My goodness in the eyes of myself and others is constantly shifting

What I have done or will do does not determine my happy ‘ending’.  What has been done by Christ already determined my ‘ending’ and I can promise you it will be happy. Actually I don’t think there is a word or words in the English language to describe that ‘ending’

Romans 4:5 (MSG)  If you’re a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay, we don’t call your wages a gift.  But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it’s something only God can do, and you trust him to do it- you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked-well, that trusting him to do it is what gets you set right with God, By God.  Sheer gift.



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