My 3 year old runs through the grocery store, or Walmart, or park saying FAST AS FLASH, FAST AS FLASH! We all want to be fast as flash and I would say that my three year old believes he is. Sometimes it feels like it when I am pushing a loaded grocery cart through a crowded aisle. Not only do I want to be fast as flash I want to be as organized and crafty as Martha Stewart, as serving as Mother Teresa, as beautiful as the leading lady in a big screen film, as bubbly as sleep deprived Michele Duggar (because really how could she not be sleep deprived), as patient as the mother you saw in the grocery store with a screaming child. I am sure you have a different list in your head but we all have a list we compare ourselves to. Just admit it.
I have this issue with pride and that pride whispers in my ear and tells me I can do it all. Not only can I do it but I believe I can do it on my own strength. I convince myself that if Martha can craft I can do. It’s like the country song. “IF BUBBA CAN DANCE I CAN TOO…BUBBA CAN SCOOT BUBBA CAN SLIDE BUBBA CAN TWO STEP BUBBA CAN GLIDE…I NEVER THOUGHT HE HAD THE NERVE HE NEVER SAID A WORD”. All Bubba had to do was order a video on how to dance. So if Bubba can do it so can I. If Martha can craft I can too…gosh darn it. But what if I can’t. Let’s face it I don’t have the time. I don’t have time to learn to dance either. But really all that takes is one beer and I can dance, and sing karaoke, and give some pretty good counsel; Or I think I can.
If you are dying to hear all about Bubba two stepping here is a link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QBgb0P0VDk
This combination of pride and comparison is a dangerous mixture in my life. Just like it was for a speedster in my current favorite show, The Flash. In episode 16 of season 2 a female speedster in introduced. She is just like The Flash. She is just like The Flash and at the same time I saw so much of myself in her.
This female speedster never feels like she accomplishes enough in a day, never gets the recognition she believes she should get, she compares herself to those around her that are her age and sees her failings or lack of accomplishments, she never measures up to what she wants to be and she talks to herself.
I do all of the above. So many days it does not feel like there is enough time. I can throw down a serious temper tantrum when my pride rises up and I don’t get a pat on the back for what I think I have done good. I don’t like that I do it but I compare myself to everyone around me. I generally do not measure up, and I have some pretty intense conversations in my head about all of this. About how I need something, how I need it to achieve it. I need this degree, I need this house, I need this supplement, I need this….and the list goes on.
Instead of resting in what she is doing she injects herself with a serum called V9. She is convinced that this will give her everything she wants and needs. If only it was that easy. If only there was a V9 serum that made me Fast as Flash, supplement that would keep me thin, a house that would keep me organized, a degree that would get me some recognition.
The ending scene really brought it home for me. After battling with The Flash she has this conversation.
“It’s never over”-Female Speedster
“I know what it feels like to want to be the best…this is killing you…Let us help you please”-The Flash
In spite of the fact that she acted like a monster the hero of the show offered to help her. She rejected his help injected herself with the V9 and vaporized. All that was left of her was her mask and tattered clothing.
Its the same in my life. In spite of the fact that I am constantly running, can turn into a monster, and want to do it all by myself I am loved and have a hero who is chasing after me.
I vaporize just like the female speedster. But for me there is hope in vaporizing. There is beauty in vaporizing When I vaporize, when I have nothing left it forces me to let others see that it’s not be who began this good work and its not me that sustains it.
I wish there was a way I could make it less painful but I haven’t figured it out yet. Because we live in a fallen world I don’t know that I can make it less painful. If you read the Old Testament you can see it in the Israelites too. They ran around the desert trying to make things better to. They compared themselves to other nations. They had their own forms of V9, of things that they thought would make them better. Guess what none of them worked.
However just like for me in spite of themselves they were pursued by the Holy God who set up a plan of redemption for them. They could run but every time they would vaporize into nothing and every time God made something out of that nothingness.